I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
im holly from the hills drunk
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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