Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
it's great music for shaving your balls
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
