she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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