wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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