I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
