Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
