i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
