Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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