not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
this will be a night to untag.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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