I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
