Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
well most of my day revolves around power hour
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
