I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I look excited, but its just a facade.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
