You work out of a Hotel?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's shark week go big or go home
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
