College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
