You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
