I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize