I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
