Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
