I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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