She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
