the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
