Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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