my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
