Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
