She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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