it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
