Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
