Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
