So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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