if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
