I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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