OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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