my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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