we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
