i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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