It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
