If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
