Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
