I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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