what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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