i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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