Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize