it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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