it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
