I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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