like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Dignity is for republicans.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize