just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
