He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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