I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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