So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
