As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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