He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
