I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
