The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
