Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
