that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I need a beard to bite.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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