she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
3pm strippers are depressing
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize