i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize