Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
