i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
