it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
my poor anus
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
