WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize