my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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