If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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