After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
