I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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