Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
