honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
