dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
