He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She announced her abortion via fbk
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
