i don't like sucking hair
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
