I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
