So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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