I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
