I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i think i just lost a toe
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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