Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
