Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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