im having a threesome with these popsicles
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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