Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
