Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
