I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
