I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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