Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
