dude i'm inner monologue high
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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