I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
