i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
