i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
