my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
