apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
